This would be one of the things I would say if I were a stand-up comic...

Rice cakes. Ok, so, we all know they're not the best. We all know they have a rep for being pretty gross. And they were. Like the plain unsalted ones? Insanely bad. But, it seems like we've reached a new era of rice cakes. Chocolate Caramel Toffee. Caramel Mocha Marshmallow. Cinnamon White Chocolate Peanut Butter Double Dutch Apple Pie Cheescake. They used to be a "diet food". NOW, you might as well just give me french fried or corn dogs. But you know how the rice cake marketers get around saying, "eat rice cakes instead of potato chips everyday for a month and love 10 pounds!". Because they're always crumbling! It's impossible to eat an entire cake of rice. Impossible. Here's how it usually goes. Take a bite, and a third of it falls on the dirty kitchen floor you never sweep. Which is fine, becuase you have a solid amount in your mouth, enjoying the immense flavor of the chocolate. And then you think, what are the odds it'll break again with another bite? It just can't happen. So, you go at it again. And another chunk snaps, this time in bits, rather than a whole piece, but nonetheless, a huge loss. And then, you get angry and shove the remaining part in your mouth. But you think you prepare yourself for the second rice cake. You will lean over the counter, over a paper towel to catch all broken remnants. Aha! Foolproof. But, you take one out of the bag, and midway throuhg the counter leanover, you want a small nibble. Just to ease your nerves before the main event. So, you're almost at the counter and give a little bite. And it ALL falls apart except for the minute amount you are still holding with your fingers, inches before the paper towel saftey net. Your eyes open widely. Then you scream 5-second wule and eat the crumbles of the first and second cakes...disregarding the dog hair, year-old moldy Cheerios, and some junk thats probably sauce. In that sense we do eat them all but because of the upset stomach you get from the dirty floor, you appetite for the rest of the day is trashed.

777 Slots Parlor Aficionados

There is a brick house on the western front
It’s right beneath the freezer jar if you reckon to look beyond what’s been served to you
We have so little to share when we are confined and even with the unlimited geese, they still seems to be flocked for the crooked nests
Everything is always here, including the barbers and their comb juice
Including the 777 slots parlor aficionados
Including the Ramonds and the Damons
It’s all here at arm’s touch

What we need is a strategy for combat to allow for a charming patio. Sitting outside in late April is nothing but exact.
Use the X-Acto knife. And don’t forget to wear rubber gloves.

Prone for Defeat by the Giants

Do you see them?
The frightened militants
But are they aligned, now?
No, but ... like the way the frisbees are fleeing me
It frees me upwards, to the meat-packers union mill
Let’s take the stolen train tracks to Avalon
Join our fellow muddy gordy Jacks
Without all the action slack knives
By the time we’re there
We’ll’ve escape the victimizers!
Inside the life; inside the life of winners 'hands…!


But now we find them
the butcher’s back in town
…and he’s not enterntained by


the horse-tailed troubadoor
in suede-knecked uniform
of the horse-tailed troubadoor.
in suede-knecked uniform