Lemonade Frosties

This would be one of the things I would say if I were a stand-up comic...

Rice cakes. Ok, so, we all know they're not the best. We all know they have a rep for being pretty gross. And they were. Like the plain unsalted ones? Insanely bad. But, it seems like we've reached a new era of rice cakes. Chocolate Caramel Toffee. Caramel Mocha Marshmallow. Cinnamon White Chocolate Peanut Butter Double Dutch Apple Pie Cheescake. They used to be a "diet food". NOW, you might as well just give me french fried or corn dogs. But you know how the rice cake marketers get around saying, "eat rice cakes instead of potato chips everyday for a month and love 10 pounds!". Because they're always crumbling! It's impossible to eat an entire cake of rice. Impossible. Here's how it usually goes. Take a bite, and a third of it falls on the dirty kitchen floor you never sweep. Which is fine, becuase you have a solid amount in your mouth, enjoying the immense flavor of the chocolate. And then you think, what are the odds it'll break again with another bite? It just can't happen. So, you go at it again. And another chunk snaps, this time in bits, rather than a whole piece, but nonetheless, a huge loss. And then, you get angry and shove the remaining part in your mouth. But you think you prepare yourself for the second rice cake. You will lean over the counter, over a paper towel to catch all broken remnants. Aha! Foolproof. But, you take one out of the bag, and midway throuhg the counter leanover, you want a small nibble. Just to ease your nerves before the main event. So, you're almost at the counter and give a little bite. And it ALL falls apart except for the minute amount you are still holding with your fingers, inches before the paper towel saftey net. Your eyes open widely. Then you scream 5-second wule and eat the crumbles of the first and second cakes...disregarding the dog hair, year-old moldy Cheerios, and some junk thats probably sauce. In that sense we do eat them all but because of the upset stomach you get from the dirty floor, you appetite for the rest of the day is trashed.