I've never met anything I didn't like.

The word "lanyard" is fun to say aloud, but it's even more fun to hear spoken in a nasly north central Ohioan accent.

The number 5 is one worth thinking about. Stars have five points. Ten has been an important number in history and half of it is 5. Eating five hotdogs on an empty stomach will probably satisfy. High fives make even the worst athletes feel accomplished in their trials. Michelle Fiveffer is very attractive. $5 will get you 100 five cent somethings. If you are using the caveman method of counting by drawing vertical lines in groups, when you get to 4 or | | | | , you can make it an even five with a  / . Spelled backwards, "five" is EVIF, or The American Cancer Institute's Emergency Virus Isolation Facility. Spelled forwards "five" is FIVE, or Five Is Very Effin' cool.

"I've always wondered if it's possible"

"If what's possible? Forcibly changing one's own disliked inner workings into a more fully pleasing, fully realized self?"

"I don't even know what that means. I was talkin' about a body air conditioner. Like, a.c. in the house and car is nice, but when you're out walkin' around, you still get hot you know? Like some suit, like a thin cotton space suit filled with cool air."

Bring on the moderate leg scrapers and rubberneck stranglers. Inconveniences can be fun.

Q ~ How many farts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A ~ Twots.

My head is so large and heavy. What I see isn't.

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I guess, well, I think we're all going up and up...

I think it would be funny to put "No Loitering" signs on busses.

Cones, like ice cream cones or orange Dept. of Transportation contruction cones, or any cones...I kind of want to stack a whole lot of them. It's so satisfying - an endless pattern that reaches to the heavens.

You know how if you stare at a silver metal fence for a long time you get that metallic, bitter sensation and taste in your eyes and mouth, and sometimes you have to do a quick blink of the eye and twitter of the head and neck, similar to the movements following eating a really sour candy, and how it zaps a 3-second headache into your brain along with visions of black euphoria?

There's that. There's also how we say "you know..." and assume others do. Explaining, and sharing, and finding the common force before the fact, is starting to prove beneficial in making for a better conversation.

I don't know...I wouldn't mind community-style toilets in public restrooms. Why have the dividers? Often, especially in malls and stadiums and arenas, after eating the clumpy, cheesy food that's paired with those kinds of places is the need for a longer-than-average toilet sit. And if you're gonna be there for 10 minutes, and don't have anyone to text message, and have expired all of your lazy, boredom, mind-wandering thoughts while at one of those kinds of places, a potty buddy is a good friend at that moment. What do the dividers do anyway? They dont't block the smell. All they do is block the cringe. And we all cringe, so we might as well chat it up. I bet I would know 10 more solid jokes if I had been talking to the people on the toilet next to me. And I sure as heck would know the best detour around the accident on the highway...

Unfortuately, the tables have turned. Fortunately, my mind is the only thing controlling the tables.

The world around me sometimes...I don't know if it's up or down, right or wrong, black or red or white or blue...

  :  ) 


(The beginning to a paragraph describing my perceived solemn, dismal state of mind when suddenly I realized I wasn't that at all and it was a waste of time to think so)

Q ~ What did the string quartet use as a means of peaceful intervention?

A ~ Anti-violins.

Solid Birth of the Hymnal

The ice is frozen
And we, everybody, and them wanted it to melt in the past
"It was healthy and vibrant if it melts"
And it being solid was trapped in a hemlock, locked from the roots up
Leaves and all, and all was ice
And we decided it was time to turn the chlorophyll over to the Freezer Society
Let them decide


That was too easy
And too much too late
We took the reigns over form the hemlock and gave back our grief to the hatter
It's healtheir and vibrant if it stays frozen we now know well

Dad's say smart things: Edition #2

"You know, like when you're talking to somebody and they don't understand, but you do. You know, like your sense of speech" - (actual quote from a real Dad)

We, us non-Dads, have been taught  (or should I say, lead to believe) that there are five senses...hearing, smelling, seeing, feeling, and tasting. However, in 2006 three intellgent Ivy League calibur, but not actually Ivy League, universities discovered there was a very un-Haley Joel Osment sixth sense...the sense of speech. The testing was vigorous, the funding was low, but the results were irresputable. The sense of speech was determined to be a full-blown sense.
This further proves Dads know everything everybody else doesn't. 

Hope's umbrella is a steel armory.

I've finally reached it: myself. I hope it lasts.....

Q ~ How many U.S. states does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A ~ One. pennSYLVANIA

Dads say things that perhaps on the outside, initially sound not so complex. But I've yet to hear something come out of a Dad's mouth that was not thoughtful, intelligent, and perceptive when taken with open ears.

Example #1
(When referring to a sports team, such as pro football)
"They're either gonna win or lose"

An unarguably proficient, precise comment that requires no second guessing with which it's cut-and-dry demenor could be applied to many other things in life.

Stay tuned. Dads say smart things.

Nice mice splice rice? Nice mice slice rice.
False rhyming mouse etiquette

There are endless countups happening everyday, all the time. And I'm very thankful, especially when the countdown becomes so striking.